Monday, February 4, 2013

I feel older than I look

Actually, I probably look just as old, hobbling around with all these aches in my old joints. I'm 21, plus a few years, but today I couldn't get out of bed. My joints are hot pink and swollen. When I walk on the hardwood floors, I feel like I'm walking on a bed of stones. I can't even wrap my arms around my children without grimacing from the pain. My 6 year old love had to tie my shoes this morning because I couldn't get my fingers to bend. In other words, this winter is causing the RA (rheumatoid arthritis) to kick my ass pretty good. If you suffer from arthritis, you know that it gets better the more you move. Yet, it's kinda a catch 22 as well. The more I move in a day, the more pain I'll be in that night and the next morning.
Although last week I had a few days of determined, kick ass, super SAHM, spring cleaning days, I can not get motivated this week. Today I got up, took love to school, came home and plopped on the couch with babe, thought about playing candy crush saga but couldn't even find the motivation for that. Then Hun came down from his office and asked if I was going to do anything today. My response of no got the usual returned, "then you need to look for a new job." Indicating that I have not fulfilled the proper stay at home mom/house wife job duties. *Deep sigh, don't let him bug me, he doesn't know what this feels like...*
In part he is right though. No, not that I haven't fulfilled my SAHM duties, because my kids are happy, that is my job - fuck the house cleaning bit (didn't I do enough of that shit last week). However, I don't have insurance, he has no intention of getting married anytime soon, I can't afford my own insurance and my stubborn pride is keeping me from applying for state assistance. So a job hunt is only logical.
I'll be giving up the ability to be here with the kids and also giving up my business, but I'll be healthier and maybe better able to care for them in the long run. AND, Who knows maybe I'll find a job that can allow me to work from home too.
Wish me luck.


  1. Why not go back to school part-time???....I enrolled at our local community college to get a 2 yr degree to become a social worker...but I have 2 kids on the utism spectrum so going full-time is not an option...BUT...
    how can I as a single mome afford to do this????
    I filled out a FAFSA app online and the finacial aid counselor at school helped me find and apply for several pell education is paid for and every semester I recieve a check for $5,500 for living expenses....this is what is left after tuition is paid, books, supplies etc. are all bought...check into may be something you'd like to try :)

    1. Wow! Thanks for the info!
      I just applied to the local community college back in January for the Fall Semester. I go in two weeks to fill out all my FAFSA stuff and meet with the counselor. BUT I'll still need a job for benefits.