I wasn't seeking more child support. We were there to decrease it due to a 50/50 custody agreement we peacefully made back in February. There was no argument about the need for the decrease, we mutually agreed on the change, we didn't fight. We sat outside the court room for 2 hours, talking and laughing peaceably. Once in the court room, we followed all orders, said yes ma'am, and thank you and used all the respect our mothers taught us, yet this hearing officer continued to talked down to me. Not once, but over 15 times in 10 minutes, to the point that Love's father chimed in for my defense at one point regarding why I wasn't married to the man I live with and have a 4 yr old son with. This hearing officer was so caught up in the fact that I didn't have income and lived off my boyfriend's money that she messed up the figures and awarded me the wrong amount. It had to be recalculated and she had him over paying $40, all because she was angry that someone wouldn't have a job and opted to be a stay at home mom instead.
I really wanted to go and file a complaint about her, but I'm scared to say something and have it held against me in future court cases. I felt like writing her a letter with my whole back-story so she would feel guilty for treating me like that, but really, why should I have to do that? Why should a person have to play a poor health card, mental disability, or special needs card in order for a person to be nice to them. A person shouldn't have to have a sign with their back story for us to feel compassion and treat them a little kinder. Today, I was hated for being a stay at home mom by an officer of the court. I still feel like crying but I've held in the tears and am trying to not let one ignorant person upset me as much as it has.
Then there are people like that of Dhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev, seemingly normal, maybe a little lost, but, never in a million years did their friends suspect them of being capable of the acts they committed last week. What about the eldest's wife? Did she know? Did she ever wonder if the man she loved would one day flip a switch and attempt to kill and injure hundreds of people? And what of his child? Will this child live with 1, being hated because of his father's actions, and 2, in fear that he may one day be capable of such horrid acts?
What happened to these two brothers to make them such monsters? How does a person hate that much? How does one lose regard for other human life? At what point did they lose the ability to judge right from wrong? How...I just can't formulate how much this scares me. To think that someone you trust one day, can wake up the next day as a monster, who has really just been hiding behind this human mask the whole time. I can tell you that your life flips, you second guess the actions and looks of everything. You wonder what else is not as it seems, you judge a little deeper, and you push away from those you once held closer. You fear for reality, wish for sanity, and pray for it all to be just an awful nightmare which you can just wake up from with a pinch.
I am still lost, for personal reasons, and for these
Prayers to Boston, to Texas, and to all of my fellow humans who are helping to make this world one of compassion and kindness and eradicate the hatred and evil that has shaken us all.