Boston, discrimination, hatred, and evil - my review on the events of the last week

Today, as it has been for the last few days, my heart is heavy. I've spent the better part of the last few weeks dealing with new information about a close family member which has shaken me to my core. I've tried to not let it affect me, but it hangs over my head and keeps me up at night. This information is personal and quite scary so I can't say much more about it at this time. However, the bombings of the Boston Marathon have stirred the same sort of emotions within me, so I've decided to write more about that instead. But first, I have an anger running through my mind because today, I was the victim of discrimination, for a reason I'd never thought I'd face discrimination for. I left my job in 2010, a single mom, determined to be a stay at home mom yet still support my family. Thanks to friends and great advertising, I did well. I never applied for state assistance, never tried for unemployment, never mooched off family or friends. I worked, by opening my own daycare in my house. I researched state guidelines and was even inspected by the state to ensure that I was following state guidelines, and passed with flying colors. I claimed every penny on my taxes, did everything by the book, and had many happy parents and children who trusted me and what I did. So why then, did I feel like such a horrible person, almost borderline criminal, during a child support hearing? Because the hearing officer heard "unemployed" and didn't listen to the rest. I may not have worked for a corporation, but I worked over 40 hours a week and only made 1/2 the income I made in an office. I had to stop due to medical reasons and have diligently been searching for a job I could get insurance from, with a very promising prospect supposed to call this week.
I wasn't seeking more child support. We were there to decrease it due to a 50/50 custody agreement we peacefully made back in February. There was no argument about the need for the decrease, we mutually agreed on the change, we didn't fight. We sat outside the court room for 2 hours, talking and laughing peaceably. Once in the court room, we followed all orders, said yes ma'am, and thank you and used all the respect our mothers taught us, yet this hearing officer continued to talked down to me. Not once, but over 15 times in 10 minutes, to the point that Love's father chimed in for my defense at one point regarding why I wasn't married to the man I live with and have a 4 yr old son with. This hearing officer was so caught up in the fact that I didn't have income and lived off my boyfriend's money that she messed up the figures and awarded me the wrong amount. It had to be recalculated and she had him over paying $40, all because she was angry that someone wouldn't have a job and opted to be a stay at home mom instead.
I really wanted to go and file a complaint about her, but I'm scared to say something and have it held against me in future court cases. I felt like writing her a letter with my whole back-story so she would feel guilty for treating me like that, but really, why should I have to do that? Why should a person have to play a poor health card, mental disability, or special needs card in order for a person to be nice to them. A person shouldn't have to have a sign with their back story for us to feel compassion and treat them a little kinder. Today, I was hated for being a stay at home mom by an officer of the court. I still feel like crying but I've held in the tears and am trying to not let one ignorant person upset me as much as it has.
Then there are people like that of Dhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev, seemingly normal, maybe a little lost, but, never in a million years did their friends suspect them of being capable of the acts they committed last week. What about the eldest's wife? Did she know? Did she ever wonder if the man she loved would one day flip a switch and attempt to kill and injure hundreds of people? And what of his child? Will this child live with 1, being hated because of his father's actions, and 2, in fear that he may one day be capable of such horrid acts?
What happened to these two brothers to make them such monsters? How does a person hate that much? How does one lose regard for other human life? At what point did they lose the ability to judge right from wrong? How...I just can't formulate how much this scares me. To think that someone you trust one day, can wake up the next day as a monster, who has really just been hiding behind this human mask the whole time. I can tell you that your life flips, you second guess the actions and looks of everything. You wonder what else is not as it seems, you judge a little deeper, and you push away from those you once held closer. You fear for reality, wish for sanity, and pray for it all to be just an awful nightmare which you can just wake up from with a pinch.
I am still lost, for personal reasons, and for these men monsters, and fearful for the world we are living in, where it seems that we have nothing to fear but our own neighbors and even our own family.
Prayers to Boston, to Texas, and to all of my fellow humans who are helping to make this world one of compassion and kindness and eradicate the hatred and evil that has shaken us all.

<3 p="">Bethanne